Sunday, 7 January 2018

January Blues

January blues are the worst. There I said it. After all the excitement of Christmas and New Year has died down, there comes a moment shortly afterwards where all the festivities settle down and everything just seems a bit flat. The weather is cold, dreary and miserable which just leaves me feeling worse. I've tried to keep my spirits and motivation up by planning my goals for the year as something to strive towards and ignite that spark inside me again and begin to utilise these plans as soon as possible. But I've also taken time to reflect on the past year and the goals I set for myself and assess why they did or didn't get fulfilled.

I personally didn't achieve all my goals from last year and I've decided to not dwell on it very much like I usually would. It was mainly little bits and pieces anyway. The ones I really wanted to improve on I achieved so I'm satisfied. I did debate that usual blogger post of new goals and reflecting on last year's but I found myself not having the energy to be honest. I think with all the posts and tweets about goals on social media it's easy to compare and to beat yourself up about the things you didn't do and I don't think we should. There is so much more to life.

I read a brilliant tweet the other day which basically summed up how I was feeling about January so far: "I've decided my 2018 will start on February 1st, January is a free trial month"(@Judgment) and this couldn't be more true to me. I feel like I'm going to just deal with the dramas that January is apparently bringing to me right now. Ride it out. And by February I'm going to start afresh properly and with a positive mental attitude.

I usually don't share on this blog when I'm feeling low but I find it somewhat therapeutic at the moment to get my thoughts down. I've just felt this month has become a total right off already. Normally I'm one of those folk who is so motivated and hyped up for the coming year, but this year I feel exhausted by the thought of it. I think it's a combination of this wind pipe infection I've had over the Christmas period which still hasn't buggered off and there's been some difficult family issues going on for a while now which are finally taking their toll on me. I've gone from being someone that loved ones can confide in to being the person on the receiving end of sly digs and petty arguments over silly things that months ago wouldn't have even been a big deal, but now suddenly they are and I've become the target that they take their anger, frustration and resentment out on, as well as being taken advantage of. Of course I hold my own and stick up for myself but when it is every day, it just leaves me feeling mentally and physically drained the majority of the time and on edge constantly for when the next petty argument arises. I feel overwhelmed a lot more quickly and uncomfortable in what once was considered a safe space to me. I'm fortunate I have my boyfriend and friends that are a huge help and provide me a happy escape from the stresses of home life right now and I'm lucky I have people I can talk to, but when I do, I feel this constant guilt of burdening people with my worries and on top of how I'm already feeling, it's exhausting. Does anyone else ever get this feeling? Everything feels chaotic right now and I hang on to the hope that things will eventually get better and my positivity will return too.

Thanks to anyone who reads this rather miserable post from me, sorry it's not my usual style and that I'm not my usual self right now but hopefully by sharing my thoughts it can relieve me of some of the overwhelm and I can try to move forward. I really appreciate you listening to my thoughts. I'm going to take some time out to get myself in a better frame of mind so when I come back I will be feeling myself again. Take care everyone & I will catch up with you very soon! 
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