Violet Daffodils

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April 05, 2020

Life In Lockdown: Week 2

30.3.20 - 5.4.20

I must admit I've struggled this week. After starting the week feeling motivated and catching up with my colleagues on our weekly work call. I'd been unable to gather focus on anything and my concentration levels have been at an all time low. I found myself having my mind wander far too often. It has made me think back to when I was in school when I'd day dream in the middle of a science lesson ha! I haven't daydreamed in years, I realise!

Although I've been in regular contact with them via messages and video calls, I've deeply missed my friends. Just being able to physically spend time together has really got to me this week. Not knowing when we'll all physically be together again really upsets me.

I'm a very independent person normally and feeling such neediness to physically spend time with those I care about and not being able to go out anywhere properly to spend time together has been tough. It's like I don't know where to put my feelings. I didn't realise how much of a sociable being I really was until this week, how much I need to be out doing things and making plans with people to be my most happiest. I don't like feeling like my freedom has been restricted or feeling like I'm not in control of my own life. It's something I've always been very grateful to have and for it to be suddenly taken away, I know for good reason of course, I just feel a bit lost. After vocalising my feelings to my friends, I realise I'm not the only one who feels like this, so I take comfort in knowing we are all trying to do our best with what we have.

In the attempt to keep myself sociable, I've been talking to people online far more than I usually would (I prefer meeting up face to face but obviously due to lockdown I have to improvise, ha!). I also had another night watching Blackadder The Third on Discord with Becky and Kyle whilst sipping a few bevvies which perked me up. The new episode of Friday Night Dinner aired too, which is my highlight every Friday at the moment and I spoke with my friends on House Party. We all decided to sport Minnie Mouse ears this time because why the hell not?!

I've also found working from home with a full house an adjustment. There's been frustrations and a huge want for personal space, but I'm trying to be patient and sympathetic. There's only so much we can talk about too.

On top of that a huge part of me feels extremely guilty for having these thoughts. That I shouldn't be allowed to feel this way when there is far worse going on in the world right now. Which I know is the case. I know I'm entitled to my own feelings but at the same time I feel like sharing them aloud makes me sound like a terrible human being when there are worse things going on right now (she says whilst sharing her feelings on the internet for all to see!).

It feels like my brain has just decided that this week its going into shut down mode. I've been active almost every single day, getting outside to clear my head in the hope that doing so will motivate me when coming back home and make a difference, which it did in a way but not to the level I needed to be at.

This weekend has been brighter than my weekdays. After I slept appallingly the past couple of nights, the latest night being 3am. Grim. I decided I'd lie in both days, probably not the best idea but I felt like my body and my mind just needed to rest and recuperate. It definitely helped.

I woke up on Saturday feeling like my usual self again, super motivated to get shit done and was able to cross off some jobs on my neglected to-do list. Then joined the gang on House Party, where they were playing a Harry Potter quiz. I have zero knowledge on it so happily listened along whilst playing Animal Crossing New Horizons* on my Switch. They absolutely smashed the quiz and the guy hosting gave them a shout out which was cool.
Saturday night was spent watching Toy Story with my Mam and Dad. After getting him the boxset of all 4 films for his birthday last week, my Dad had suggested during the week about having a Toy Story marathon so we kicked it off last night. I forgot how funny it is! I even sported my Pizza Planet long sleeved top from the Disney Store in homage too. The Aliens are my favourite: "The claaaaaaaaaw!" "I have been chosen! Farewell my friends" hahahaha, Cracks me up every time!

Today (Sunday), another lie in and another day of lazing about and finally catching up on my Youtube watchlist. The day has flew once again, as has most of them this week to be honest.
I felt the urge this weekend to actually make an effort with my appearance as pre lockdown I'd barely worn much makeup unless I was catching up with friends. After lockdown was announced, I was enjoying embracing my fair skinned fresh face, letting my freckles be on show and wearing zero makeup for days on end but I felt maybe after feeling rubbish all week a little makeup session might perk me up. Which it did.

I wanted to try something different to my usual look after having organised my makeup last weekend, so I attempted to use some blue eyeshadow as you can see the result in the above photo. I'm still getting used to trying out tinted moisturiser instead of fuller coverage foundation, I'm not used to seeing my freckles on show when wearing makeup but I like it. I also tested out my new polaroid hybrid camera* today too. I think I might challenge myself to wear different eyeshadows I wouldn't normally go for over the next few weeks as a little something to do.
Tonight was spent playing Bingo with the gang on House Party: fancy dress edition and having a beverage or two. Just what I needed to be honest!

After a rubbish start, this week has ended on a positive note! The sun is shining and I feel like this weekend has got me back to feeling myself again. I've put it down to just a bad week and completely writing it off. Tomorrow begins a new week and hopefully a more positive mindset. Let's go!

Thanks for reading and stay safe! <3
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